•Well?•

 

So, I wasn't entirely sure what I wanted to do for this prompt. I had a couple of ideas, and I have another piece rattling around in my head that, I think, probably fits better.  But, it's a heavy one, and I'm not up for maudlin tonight.  "But Mel" you ask, "isn't this also kind of maudlin?" Nope. This is me, letting go of something while I still can.

P.S. "Exercising" is not a typo. Trust me, when I say, I meant it that way 😉😈

Partially inspired by the prompt "It's Behind You" from @warriorsquill

starve

starve

it's an interesting word
i've been feeling it these past couple years
i've written about it before
my issues with food vs depression vs poverty
we are all so touch starved from
this fucking pandemic
that i'm not entirely sure we can heal from it

starve

i've watched
the ever increasing food lines on the news
but i have also lived them this year
i wrote a funny piece about it, i didn't post it
because i realized it's not really safe
to find humor in things like that right now
maybe not ever
because i would never want to give
anyone an excuse, more than they already have,
to talk about how the "less fortunate"
are just asking for a handout they don't need
that we don't need?

starve

this morning i'm watching live feed
from the US House trying,
and maybe succeeding?
who knows
to mete out punishment
so far due that it ain't funny

starve

sitting here listening
and battling anxiety to do it
and what do i hear,
while i'm having my breakfast
of food pantry leftovers?
but one of our US house representatives
use the word "starve"
talking about political donations
about how big companies have finally
committed to starving them of donations
y'know, i'm well aware that
"our" politicians are really really far removed
from the actual people, but
that was a kick in the teeth
i just did not need this morning

starve

bitch, you don't know the meaning of the word

(link to spoken word version)

XVI The Tower

 

I've been thinking a lot of about politics, and tarot. Not at all related, really, just what's been on my mind. In tarot there are a few cards that everyone always freaks out about. The tower, being one. And it is, it's a rough card, because no matter how you try to soften that blow, it still signifies catastrophic change. But the thing is, I think sometimes you need to see that, the flames, and that tilt that seems so wrong, because it IS eye opening. It's harder to keep pretending that nothing is wrong. Everything is, of course, open to interpretation. But what it boils down to is, you can either ignore the message, or start the work that needs doing.

Why

 

.

 

christmas tree lights

 

I'm not saying  that all this holiday cheer has made me lose my mind. 

But I'm also not not saying that.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

(Un)comfortably numb

 

First of all, at this point, my entire page is probably a trigger warning.  But.  In case you hadn't noticed that... I write a lot about mental illness, mine, specifically. My current diagnosis is dysthymia (a lovely word, meaning I am not crazy when say that I don't ever remember not being depressed), with a heaping side of generalized anxiety, and a smattering of ptsd. To say that I am not enjoying myself, is a pretty severe understatement. So anyway, y'know, beware? Herein lie monsters? Run away while you can?

I wanna say "inspired by", but I think maybe "confronted into being" would be a tad more accurate. In any case, this was written because I both very much did and absolutely did not want to write for the prompt "comfortably numb" from @antipoetic.revolution & @marierosepoetry

dead roses

 

okay, fucking ow

This piece just exploded out of me, and real talk?  I hate it.  I do not like it.  I didn't want to write it.  I didn't want to post it.  I am not happy that it exists.  But I made a promise to myself in this last year, that I was gonna be completely honest about my mental health struggles in my writing.  So, here it is.

meow.

"Artwork By Pinterest" Isn't a Fucking Thing

Huh?

•rejection of treachery•

grahr

•repetition•