Why

 

.

 

•block•

 

The writer is blocked. The writer decides to write about being blocked. The writer's brain does not enjoy having it's hand forced and retaliates. Where do we go from here?

(Honest to gods, I'm fine.  I'm just having a strange week.  Can I blame the continuing proximity to xmas?  I'm going to, regardless of how you answer, FYI.)

•pick your poison•

pick my poison?

today it's nicotine and conversation

one for the nerves and one for the soul

both are medicinal, in the oddest ways

gateways and crutches

one harms and helps,

one hurts and heals

•solstice, sorta•

 

lies in the headspace

 I don't recommend reading this.  I'm not being facetious.  It's under two slides of trigger warnings for a reason.  I don't really think this should exist, and the likelihood that I'm going to delete it is pretty damn good.

Update: Well. When I wrote this piece, I initially psyched myself to post, and ran away. I fully expected that I'd come back in a few hours and indeed delete out of pure angst and self-consciousness. I did not expect to have it resonate with so many people. And I most definitely did not expect for it to facilitate a few very real and much needed conversations. Thank you, every single one of you that even read this piece. It means more than I can say ❤ And no, I am not deleting. 

•festive•

 

giving in to compulsion

 

I spent a lot of the day yesterday thinking that I probably ought to just stop posting, stop writing, just stop, until at least after the holidays. This isolated existence and the chaos in my brain don't mesh well with how December makes me feel.  ....I don't know how to end this comment, caption, thing, because I'm incredibly conflicted and writing this piece definitely did not help. Good idea, bad idea, no ideas, idk.

(Un)comfortably numb

 

First of all, at this point, my entire page is probably a trigger warning.  But.  In case you hadn't noticed that... I write a lot about mental illness, mine, specifically. My current diagnosis is dysthymia (a lovely word, meaning I am not crazy when say that I don't ever remember not being depressed), with a heaping side of generalized anxiety, and a smattering of ptsd. To say that I am not enjoying myself, is a pretty severe understatement. So anyway, y'know, beware? Herein lie monsters? Run away while you can?

I wanna say "inspired by", but I think maybe "confronted into being" would be a tad more accurate. In any case, this was written because I both very much did and absolutely did not want to write for the prompt "comfortably numb" from @antipoetic.revolution & @marierosepoetry

struggle (starve)

What can I say? I'm in a mood.

 

seasonal depression in truth

 I want to say Happy Autumn Equinox & Blessed Mabon, but that's not where my head is right now. So, I guess you get this instead. Sorry..

well, if you really wanna know...

I kinda feel like this needed a content warning, but I can't exactly figure out for what, so you get a cover photo of a foggy field behind one of my favorite cemeteries instead.  You're welcome?  

Anyway.  

At some point this year, a switch flipped in my brain, and I sort of lost the ability to answer the question "How are you really feeling?" with any degree of subterfuge.  Granted, the answer is different day by day (sometimes minute by minute).

dead roses

 

•affinity•

 

The poet is aware that "awkwardest" is not a word.  She mostly does not care.  She is also aware that only being able to refer to herself as a poet while speaking in the semi-loathed third person is something of An Issue.  (I'm working on it.  .....okay I'm actually not, but it's on the Self-Improvement list, I swear).

I think I make my therapist nervous...

 ...and that isn't helping with my anxiety.

okay, fucking ow

This piece just exploded out of me, and real talk?  I hate it.  I do not like it.  I didn't want to write it.  I didn't want to post it.  I am not happy that it exists.  But I made a promise to myself in this last year, that I was gonna be completely honest about my mental health struggles in my writing.  So, here it is.

•take heart•

my body knows?

•i hate the word together•

•adrift•

Trigger Warning - how are you really

First things first, Yes, this was 'inspired' by the # how are you really challenge on Instagram*  Yes, it is also posted there and intentionally untagged.  Mainly because this breaks a ton of the challenge rules, the most notable being "...offer a message of hope to others" and "avoid sharing information about harmful behaviors".

Here's the thing, and hell yes I am shouting, WE. AREN'T. ALL. IN. RECOVERY.  ...maybe the end of that sentence is 'yet', maybe it's 'again', or maybe, just maybe, it's a full sentence on it's own.  Oh.  I also broke the "make sure you're ready to talk about your mental health story" rule.  But, y'know, I got irritated,  (which, hey, is the most I've felt in the last few months, sooo yay?).  The thing is, I understand why they don't want those things.

That is exactly why there is a trigger/content warning on this post.

But I'm also not okay with the idea of silencing people until they are inspirational.  I mean, that was the whole point, right?  How are you, really?  Y'know, maybe I'm too sensitive, too keyed into this particular issue, but that, this, IS how I feel.  And this is likely the most honest I am ever going to be about it.

*if you want to know what I'm talking about, remove the spaces from the non-tagged hashtag and search for it on IG