I don't know what this is

I've spoken a lot about my grandmother on this (very long neglected) blog.  I think, mainly, because she was so influential to my gardening and crafty sides.  And because, even more than twenty years later, I still miss her all the time.

And while you (assuming there is a you, there might not be, and that's okay, most of this is just words I need to pry out of my head anyway), at this point, might think you have a pretty good idea of who my grandmother was, I don't think you know my mom much at all.  I've only given you snippets of her.  And while I want to clutch every memory of her tightly to me, I also feel the need to share.  To make you, possibly imaginary reader, understand how amazing she was.  And how lost I am right now without her.

She's the one who made me want to write, and she is the editor in my head.  Her obituary was the hardest thing I've ever written.  Because she wasn't there to tell me what she wanted.  Because she wasn't there to be my sounding board.  Because she wasn't there to be my proofreader.  Because she wasn't there.

I was trying to write two different things at once.  My heart and brain were at war.  But I needed to say both.

If you want to see the official copy, that's here.

 This is its other half:

Mother, sister, daughter, friend
Grandma, cousin, aunt, wife
Great grandmother, great aunt
Great

Called mom by more than she raised
Called grandma by more than blood

Both the whirlwind, and the tree that can bend but will not break
It's almost fitting that you left this world during a windstorm

Rest, if you want to.  Raise hell if you don't.   Visit me sometimes if you can.   And if not, I will see you when I see you.   Love you, mom.   Say hi to everybody for me.  Can't wait to hear all of your new stories,  I'll be trying my damndest to acquire more of my own to share.
Until we're together again.